Secret Santicore: Black Hole Metal Axe

An anonymous gamer queries Secret Santicore for: A piece of art to advertise an Encounter Critical campaign with. Please include 'Titanius Anglesmith', a dwarf, and a Black Hole Metal Axe." 

Paul Schaefer unites dwarf and axe:

Secret Santicore: The Ocelot!

Emily Vitori requests of her Secret Santicore: "I would like a Spelljammer ship design based upon felines." Shoe the Pixie delivers that and more:

THE OCELOT

• AC 4
• 40 Tonnes
• Saves as Thin Wood
• Maneuverability Class B
• Crew 5-14

The Ocelot is a scavenging ship! It is used to hover over various sites and pick over the place for useful parts, and salvage those things. It can also be used as a Search & Rescue ship, if need be. It is a closed ship, with many useful additions for the clever scavenger or pirate. 

There are three decks.

The top deck is a room for small salvage, lined with dozens of shelves, some holding drawers or other containers. 

Big things go on the lower deck!  This is  just a huge wide area for storing shipping containers, vehicles, scrap metal, and other large salvage. It has reversed gravity, so things can be stored on the flat 'floor' and be piled high into the huge, round belly of the catship.

The middle deck holds the engine room and other controls toward the back, living quarters in the middle, and connects in front to the head: that is, the cockpit. The cockpit has all the steering and comms equipment, all the controls, and passages to the other parts of the ship. 

The Ears are communication dishes, with all the antennae and sensors inside them.  The Whiskers are long, delicate arms, that feel about and test conditions and take measurements. They can also handle things, and pick up smaller pieces of salvage. The Eyes are huge searchlights, and are very very bright. The bottom floor of the cockpit lowers down, creating the Mouth - a huge, wide hatch for loading big things.  It has rollers and an powered ramp, for helping to get things into the lower cargo hold. 

The living quarters are quite simple: there is a tiny kitchen, and a wide-open lounge area with hooks on the floor for bolting in furniture, if so desired. There are bunks along the sides of the ship that curve along with the walls; these are three layers deep. Under the bunks are little hatches, where the crew can slide into the Feet. 

The Feet are little observation pods!  They are round globes made of very very strong glass-like material, and some can be built with lenses to enlarge the viewing area. It's a good way to get up close and personal, but be protected from the elements as well.  

Finally, the Tail. The Ocelot's tail is a mag-grapple sort of thing, two parts that can be switched.  One is a huge grappling hook, the other is a very powerful magnet.  Either end is for grasping large salvage, and has sophisticated controls so it can swing things right up into the Mouth.  

That's the Ocelot!  I really, really hope you like it. 

Secret Santicore: Magical Materials

<Gus L (Santicore contributor himself) asks for: "A table or descriptions of new inherently magical materials used in the production of magical items. a slightly science fantasy feel would be nice but is not necessary. Some idea of the properties of each material and how it is used would make it far more interesting."

Here's what Bill A. came up with:

When I think of materials used in the production of magic items, my first thought is “magical weapons and armor.”  As such, this table is weighted towards magical weapons and armor, though I have tried to provide some other interesting substances as well.

1	Tarnwyrm Chrysalis – Every year, the giant Tarnwyrn grubs metamorphose into adult Tarnmoths, leaving behind the dried husk of their chrysalis.  It is said that the spent chrysalis retains something of its original transformative element, and that armor created from this chrysalis renders the wearer more resistant to mutative or polymorphic effects.
2	Duplicating Reagent – This colorless, odorless, flavorless liquid is capable of mimicking most potions and other alchemical liquids.  Mix a flask of Duplicating Reagent with a flask of acid, and you now have two flasks of acid, both with the same potency as the original.  Mix a vial of Duplicating Reagent with one of Potion of Cure Light Wounds, and you now have two vials of Cure Light Wounds.  The user is advised not to try and use Duplicating Reagent as a “binder” to combine two other substances; trying to mix Alchemist’s Fire with a Potion of Inflict Light Wounds leaves everyone unhappy.
3	Psiputty – This pink, rubbery, moldable substance picks up psychic impressions, and is commonly used to create “decoy” golems of prominent figures in danger of being assassinated.  Unless great care is taken not to stretch the putty during the imprinting process, the golems end up with bizarrely-distorted versions of the original’s personality.
4	Accelerex – despite producing no heat, this vibrant yellow-green substance creates a mirage effect similar to a “heat shimmer” around it, which quickly becomes uncomfortable to look at.  It’s often used to create edged weapons or projectiles as it creates a field of temporal instability around itself.  As such, wounds inflicted with Accelerex weapons develop weeks’ worth of gangrene in seconds, or age (or perhaps de-age!) the victim drastically.
5	Mercurial Scarlet – this alchemical substance resembles red glass.  Exposed to heat, Mercurial Scarlet swiftly liquefies and evaporates.  Human body heat is enough to make this substance liquefy, and as such, Mercurial Scarlet is very popular with assassins for use as “vanishing” blades.  Additionally, anyone exposed to Mercurial Scarlet – such as holding a piece in one’s unprotected hand, or being stabbed with it – will experience first a “bleaching” as all color seems to fade away from their flesh, followed by a slow, and painful, “phasing” out of the physical universe.
6	Null – this slate-gray metallic mineral is occasionally described, particularly when explaining its properties to laypeople, as “totally inert, full stop.” It does not conduct heat, electricity, cold, radiation, or even kinetic energy.  It is the proverbial immovable object, and as such cubes of it (Null naturally forms in cubic shapes; it is profoundly difficult and expensive to forge or reshape) are prized by alchemists for crucibles and anti-mutagenic amulets.
7	Dealkahestine Steel – this glossy black metal cannot be burned by even the strongest of acids, and thus is favored by alchemists for use in storing powerful reagents.  It is also commonly used to forge weapons and armor for use in corrosive environments.
8	“Tunnel Vision” – this tarry yellow-orange substance is either burned and inhaled, or else shaped into a lozenge and held under the tongue, by craftsmen of magical items.  While under the influence of Tunnel Vision, the craftsman can look at raw materials and “see” the construction process (resembling time-lapse film) before it happens.  This shaves 20% off the amount of time necessary to construct a magical item, though at an increased cost (representing the amount of Tunnel Vision used.  Users are advised not to look at people while under the influence of Tunnel Vision.
9	Zanthryl – this silvery, gelatinous substance is commonly used in the production of armor, typically sandwiching a thin layer of Zanthryl between two layers of metal.  Zanthryl absorbs a tremendous amount of kinetic energy, reducing damage taken from melee combat, falls, etc.  Though illegal in many places, extreme-sports enthusiasts persist in “Z-Jumping” – jumping off high cliffs while wearing full-body membranous suits filled with Zanthryl, and bouncing away unharmed.
10	Chilluminum – This metallic blue-black substance is non-conductive and thermal-invisible; maintaining a constant temperature equivalent to the surrounding air, it is invisible to infravision or equivalent; armor made from Chilluminum reduces the wearer’s chance of being detected via infravision, though it does not alter the ability to hide under any other circumstances.  It’s quite popular with science-fantasy ninjas.  You’ll never see them coming.
11	Depleted Cecilium – This purple-blue metal features an unusual sonic resonance which renders it extremely popular in the creation of projectiles.  Arrowheads, crossbow bolts, sling stones or bullets made from Depleted Cecilium create a sonic dissonance upon striking a hard surface such as a wall or an armored foe, turning the substance into a sort of “tuning fork” for several seconds.  A few shots of Depleted Cecilium bullets against a load-bearing column can collapse a building.  An individual shot with a Depleted Cecilium round continues to take 1 point of damage per combat round for 1d4+1 combat rounds after being shot, as the Depleted Cecilium vibrates inside them.  A critical hit (or “exploding” hit, or what have you) is liable to cause internal organs to rupture.
12	Metamorphic Gammaradium – This green-glowing teratophilic material is very rare and highly prized.  Armor forged from Metamorphic Gammaradium bonds with its wearer’s nervous system over a period of weeks.  Once bound, exposure to mutagenic substances and radiation allows the wearer two rolls on the relevant random mutation chart, with the wearer choosing which to take.  The armor reshapes itself to reflect physical mutations.  However, this comes with a price; every mutation knocks 1d6 years off the wearer’s natural lifespan.  Upon dying (of any cause), the wearer’s body is swiftly broken down into “primordial soup” which is then absorbed into the armor.

Warlord Wednesday: The Secret of Skyra III

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"The Secret of Skyra III"

Warlord #110 (October 1986)

Written by Michael Fleisher; Pencils by Ron Randall; Inks by Duncan Andrews

Synopsis: Morgan and Shakira are cutting through the jungle, still on their quest to find the mysterious wizard who can save Jennifer from her aging malady. They hear a scream and rush to the rescue of a young woman in perhaps the most ridiculous outfit in the whole Warlord series (and that’s saying something) being attacked by “crocodile men.”

Though one of them almost drowns him, Morgan prevails. The girl gushes all over her hero to Shakira’s amusement.

She's named Asmara. Her people live in a floating city. Her father is gravely ill and she was sent to get ingredients for medication for him. Unfortunately, her flight belt failed and:

She asks Morgan and Shakira to help her get the ingredients and offers them flight belts in return.

Meanwhile, a ship pulls Mariah and Machiste from the sea. The sailors are surprised to see Machiste alive, as all of Kiro had been told he was dead. KIng N’Dosma has taken the throne, and has been robbing the city blind. The two have the sailor’s drop them off at a large grating that leads to the ancient network of sewage tunnels beneath the palace. Mariah wonders why the tunnel isn't guarded--until they are suddenly surrounded by guards!

Back with Morgan and Shakira, Asmara has then really working for the flight belts. One ingredient is red lichen that only grows in a high mountain caved, guarded by a bear! The next is a giant poppy out in the middle of a field---protected by a giant insect!

Just as soon as Morgan’s killed that creature, a flock of pteranodons swoop down toward them! It turns out these are beasts tamed by Asmara’s people sent to give them a ride back to the city. This starts to seem familiar to Morgan. It reminds him of a place he visited called “Skyra.”

A smiling man welcomes them to Skyra III (it turns out four or five were originally built). He asks Asmara if she has all the items required of her.

The man congratulates his daughter on being the winner of this month’s scavenger hunt!

Morgan and Shakira are angry at having been used in a game. Morgan demands the promised flight belts so they can leave. The man says they can’t leave: they might tell surface folk about what happened and ruin the next hunt.  Then he sicks the robots on them:

Morgan shoots there way out. They make a quick stop and disable the city’s antigravity generators before escaping. Morgan gives them one last bit of advice, as they seem to be going down in crocodile-men country:

Things to Notice:

• A sailor swears by "Grel's Demons"--an obvious reference to the Warlord's creator.
• Morgan refers to his visit to Skyra as "years ago." This is likely a signal of DC's police of dropping Skartaris's "timelessness" around this time.

Where it Comes From:
This issue is explicitly inspired by the first Skyra in issue #8.

"Asmara" is the name of the capital city of Eritrea.

Secret Santicore: Dwarf Clan Feuds

Edward Wilson requests his Secret Santicore deliver: "a d10 list of the legends behind epic dwarven inter-clan feuds." Thomas Molyes give us that and more:

1. When the Doomcairn clan fought the Blackwood Goblins at the battle of Ash Ford, they did so expecting the Veinfinder clan to show up as well. The Veinfinders never did, and while they claim that the call to battle never came, both clans have bad blood over it to this day.

2. Both clans claim to have been the first to discover a particularly rich vein of gold. After some minor skirmishes, the area has been blocked off and all entrances guarded by one clan or the other. Clues as to which clan was first can be found within the tunnels, should a third party convince both clan chiefs that they should be allowed to enter.

3. King Bolli of the Honorlode clan repeatedly met with representatives of the Bronze Hill clan with his beard unbraided. After a series of these affronts, they could not bear it any longer and attacked him in his own throne room.

4. When Vahari and Gim strode forth to defeat the Bog Hag, only Vahari came back. Gim’s clan accused Vahari of cowardice which caused Gim’s death. Gim’s body has never been recovered.

5. The Anvilbreakers and the Bronzegauntlet clans both come from the same geographic area and have been involved in a feud for as long as anybody can remember. What is unknown to all but four dwarves in the world, the leader of each clan and their chief adviser, is that both clans came from a schism in the Greatforge clan. A series of deaths (deemed either unfortunate or assassinations, depending on who you talked to) created a succession crisis, with the resulting civil war leading to two separate clans, unwilling to acknowledge their shared history. Within a few generations, the truth is now only whispered in conclave rooms after the death of a previous leader/adviser.

6. To pass the long nights in the cavern halls, many dwarven clans developed a game involving the younger dwarves and a decapitated goblin head. As the sport grew in popularity, teams began to form and the betting and drinking increased. At some point, the fans of the teams known as the Reds and the Whites became such great rivals that their violence led to the creation of separate clans, now opposed to each other in all ways, not just on the stone playing field.

7. One fine day, Knorri and Giliden were boasting to each other of their drinking abilities. Each made stronger and stronger claims until the only possible result was a drinking contest. Midway through the contest, Knorri accused Giliden of watering down his ale. Giliden, in his wrath, slew Knorri.

8. When splitting the treasure from a joint expedition, dwarves from Clan Dragonbellows hid an artifact of great value and power from the other dwarves involved. All clans believe that the artifact rightfully belongs to them and are constantly scheming either to get it back or to keep its location hidden.

9. The Halls of Light were a sacred dwarven site. When they were destroyed in a fiery eruption, blame was mainly placed on the Shalehall clan, who were the guardians of the shrine. There have also been some fingers pointed at the Goodpick clan, who are rumored to have been engaging in a secret ceremony at the time of the eruption.

10. Various dwarven clans have had important items stolen by a single mysterious dwarf. Each clan suspects one of the other clans of harbouring the thief and thus the items. The person in question is actually a female human magic-user who is very good at passing as a charismatic dwarf.

Random Clan Feud Generator
If the above feuds are too specific/unsuitable for your needs/dangit you need a lot more dwarven clan feuds, use this simple generator to get a random Dwarf feud. Roll a d10 for each table -- so a result of 8, 6, 1 would get you a Vicious Feud based on Forbidden Love where one clan has been infiltrated by doppelgangers. The Flavor entries should be struck-through and replaced with something else each time they’re rolled in order to avoid repetition.

Level of Animosity
1 Amicable Disagreement - Both clans are aware that the feud is mainly for pride, although most reasonable dwarves will put up a front of being angry or upset; eventually they can be persuaded to cooperate or talk to one another, especially if a third party is involved.
2-3 Rivalry - Although both clans dislike each other intensely, the feud tends toward competition/verbal disputes rather than actual armed conflict - if two dwarves of each clan met in a bar, it’s a given that they would at least argue, fairly likely that they might have a fistfight and fairly unlikely that they would actually draw weapons.
4-7 Feud - The clans involved hate each other and are engaged in a series of reprisals for real or perceived misdeeds by the other clan. Although both clans might be convinced to meet under the auspices of a third party, any chance meeting will likely lead to blood being spill.
8-9 Vicious - Any meeting between representatives of the clans will eventually result in violence unless a third party mediates somehow. Both clans are actively scheming to attacking/weaken the other clan, with multiple dwarves having lost their lives recently.
10 Blood Feud - Dwarves who meet a dwarf from the other clan will attack on sight with intent to kill unless forcibly restrained. Dwarven honor goes out the window, such is the level of enmity.

Reason for Feud
1. Conflicting claims over a rich mining area.
2. Breach of dwarven etiquette/affront, often relating to facial hair.
3. Schism of a single clan resulting in multiple warring clans.
4. Betrayal/cowardice in battle.
5. Argument turned deadly -- i.e. there was a minor altercation between clan members that led to the death of a dwarf, with resulting reprisals.
6. Forbidden love -- a dwarf from one clan married a dwarf who was already betrothed to another. Murders ensue.
7. One of the clans allied with humans and elves in order to fight a common enemy. The other clans view them as sellouts.
8. Differing (and often trivial) interpretations of one section in the extremely lengthy and boring dwarven legal codes, often relating to dwarven brewing laws.
9. One clan is either extremely thrifty or has outright cheated the other clans when engaging in trade.
10. Historical conflict between dwarven heroes from each clan.

Flavor
1. One clan is heavily infiltrated by doppelgangers who have replaced important members of the clan for their own nefarious goals.
2. The local dwarven king (or poobah, or deity) is secretly favoring one of the clans, providing support in an attempt to undermine the other.
3. The disturbance causing the initial rift between the two clans was caused by a third clan; neither of the warring clans are aware of this.
4. One of the clans has a powerful ally in a human trading syndicate.
5. One clan is suspiciously tall for dwarves.
6. There is an upcoming every-other-millennia dwarf-moot that both clans are expected to attend.
7. Both clans engage in kidnapping and then raising the children as members of their own clan. Double-agents feature prominently.
8. Sound-based weaponry is used to collapse rival clan’s mining tunnels.
9. The feud is mainly carried on by vengeful dwarven ghosts. Most of the living dwarves don’t give a fig.
10. The feuding clans both occupy the same ancient dwarven fort, creating an intense tunnel-to-tunnel subterranean urban warfare.

The Pulp Core of Trek

I was musing on Google+ the other day about how all the speculation on the identity of Cumberbatch's character in the upcoming second Abrams Star Trek film had got me thinking about playing a Trek game. There was some enthusiasm for that so I've thought about it a bit more--even though I don't know if anything would ever come of it.

While I've enjoyed all the Trek series (well, maybe not Voyager) to one degree or another, my favorite has always been the original. It's very much of it's era which gives it a cool design sense and adapts a lot of Golden Age and pulp science fiction elements. The "core canon" for my game would be the original series.

(As an aside, I'd say that a lot of later accretations on the Trek universe have served to downplay the old school science fiction feel. Genetic supermen and a interplanetary sleeper ship coming from the 1990s does not suggest the 20th century history of space travel in Trek played out like it did in our history, but rather more like the imaginings of Werner von Braun and Willy Ley.)

I mean, what would Trek be without Rigel II cabaret dancers?

I wouldn't leave it there, though. The now-noncanonical animated series adds the Kzinti (among other stuff) to the mix. Got to have these guys:

James Blish's novelizations of the original episodes give them a subtle sci-fi lit spin: I think Trek is better with a mysterious Vegan Tyranny in it's past than without it. Always early fan documents add a lot of stuff. The Starfleet Officer's Manual and Star Trek Maps are definitely in--as are parts of the totally out there on its on but well illustrated Spaceflight Chronology.

Anyway, that's the idea. We'll see.

From Bilbo to Conan

There used to be a site Nova Notes run by Al Schroeder that contained his Wold Newton-ish "Schroeder's Speculations." It's gone now, but I managed to dig up some gold from its heyday: a timeline combining the Lord of the Rings and Conan. Here's Schroeder's opening paragraph:

There are two major texts, at least, that deal with civilizations that existed in what today's anthropologists call prehistory: one is the Red Book of Westmarch, on which Professor Tolkien based his Lord of the Rings. The other is the Nemedian Chronicles, which deals both with the "Pre-Cataclysmic" age and the Hyborian Age, on which Robert E. Howard based his Kull and Conan stories. Looking into real prehistory, about the only place you can fit the over seven thousand years of Tolkien's history and eight thousand years of Howard's history, and have Cro-Magnon man functioning in a non-glacial environment, is in the relatively warm period of 50,000 to 25,000 years ago. Besides, as you'll see below, there is good reason, taking Tolkien at his word, to date the "awakening of the elves" as when the Big Dipper/Great Bear formed. Certainly, it is one of the few events that can be dated to our timelines...

 Check out the rest of Schroeder's rationale and his timeline here.

Secret Santicore: Paradoxical Daemons

Dallas M. asks for "an encounter based around a paradox." Through the magic of Secret Santicore, Gus L obliges: 

It's a fact known to devotees of the forbidden arts, cultists of the Church of Starry Wisdom, Psychonauts and others that have congress with entities and powers from beyond the realms of normal space and time; that the mundane world (despite its seeming absurdity) is an ordered realm amongst a vast sea of chaos.   The entities from the other worlds (especially those devoted to chaos and strife) despise the orderly nature of the commonplace universe.  Often when these creatures find their way through the veil of worlds they simply rampage, but others are more subtle and fond of paradox as the paradoxical reveals the universe's ultimate disorder and the futility of logical categorization.  Below are a few potential encounters with these paradoxical daemons and their handiwork:

Bridge - A stupid and malicious fiend by the name of Buri guards a narrow bridge over a torrent and asks the question "Answer me! Will I fling you from this bridge or let you pass? If you tell the truth you will go unmolested and if you lie I will dash you into the torrent below."  Of course Buri has no interest in letting anyone pass unmolested. If the characters answer his question saying he will allow them to pass the fiend will laugh, call them liars and fling them into the water preventing passage again even when they survive the torrent.  When he is in the right Buri is filled with supernatural strength and extremely powerful.  However, should the characters tell the “truth” that Buri will not allow them to pass, his power will be drained, as he can neither fling them into the torrent due to the truth of their statement, or allow them to pass as failure to hurl down the characters will transform their truthful statement into a lie.  Buri may be easily passed while he writhes in confusion, but will eventually figure out that to make the paradox work he can simply fling the characters into the water after they pass, though of course his power will be much lessened and they will have bypassed Buri at this point.

Sometimes a related, and even less intelligent, crocodile headed demon kidnaps children, damsels, youths or party members and offers to return them to someone who tells the truth to the question: “Will I refrain from eating my captive, and return him?”

Box - Some Daemons prefer traps and signs to direct intervention in the mundane world.  A common form that such paradoxical artifacts take is the twenty-two clasp box.  A chest of about 3' square and made of polished, engraved and detailed steel, with twenty-two locks on its front.  Each lock may be picked as a normal lock, but for every second failed picking attempt all previously picked locks will close and a blade, spike razor wire whip or saw will flash outward from the box inflicting minor injury to the thief attempting to pick it.  These traps are so numerous and cunningly laid that it is impossible to detect them all and a new one will be triggered with each failed picking attempt.  The box may also be smashed open, though doing so will require a blacksmith's shop and several days as the walls of the chest are almost a foot thick and lightly magically warded against direct attack.  Opening the box by force will destroy it completely. Beyond picking all the locks or forcing it open the box of twenty-two clasps can be opened only with it's bejeweled, solid gold key (which is valuable but certainly not worth the trouble of the box).  This key is always the only item within the box when it is discovered.  Magical attempts to bypass the locks (such as Knock or Dimension Door spells) will transport the caster and anyone within 20' of the box into a chaotic labyrinth guarded by the daemons who created the box, with the box key (and a portal back to the mundane world) at its center.

Should a character open the box without destroying it they will undoubtedly be frustrated to discover that the box's key is the only thing within; however, the box itself is a valuable extra-planar artifact and extraordinarily secure.

Beast – Taxidermy of Animalia Paradoxa or contradictory animals, are sometimes created by daemons of paradox, or animated from taxidermy chimera created by mortals.  These creatures tend to be found in the back rooms of dingy museums, as part of the wunderkammer of dissolute nobles,  decorating mad kings' treasure hoards or in the dusty laboratories of powerful sorcerers.   Each Animalia Paradoxa is unique (though several similar ones have been reported), but all appear and react generally the same.  An Animalia is a taxidermy, and usually a poor one, a assemblage of several quotidian beast masquerading as a magical one, or more rarely the remains of magical beasts stitched and stuffed into the shape of an unremarkable creature.   In every case the farcically bad taxidermy sits inanimate collecting dust until anyone within its ear shot (50' or so) remarks that the taxidermy is “fake” or was never a real animal.  Doubt of the Animalia's authenticity animates it into a violent frenzy where is rips and maims all life it can find for several hours, even after the original doubter is deceased or fled.  Animalia vary greatly in size and level danger, but all are immune to non-magical weapons, cold, electricity, poison and negative energies.

One of the most famous Animalia Paxadoxia, which has so far escaped destruction and left a wake of death behind it, is the four headed “weasel hydra”.  This monstrosity appears to be made of the stitched together skins and bones of several giant weasels, standing about 5' tall.  When aroused it attacks with its four malformed weasel heads and numerous claws, biting and tearing with all the ferocity the weasel displays during life.  Worse still, the interior of the creature is infected with a mold that produces hallucinogenic spores and the weasel hydra will blast a toxic cloud from its mouths  while it attacks, driving its attackers into madness and confusion.

'Twas the Fight Before Yule

Last night's Weird Adventures Holiday Special opened with our heroes (Don Diabolico, Cornelius Doyle, and Boris Brovksy) getting a visit from the kid gang known as the Hardluck Hooligans: Knuckles (the tough one), Da Brain (the smart one), Freckles (freckles), Topper (oversized tophat), Juniper (tomboy in an aviator helmet), Sunshine and Smiles (creepy, somber kids), and the Kid in Yellow (weird kid from Little Carcosa) and a couple of others. As Knuckles explains it, the kids want to hire our heroes to capture the anti-Yule spirit, the Grumpf.

It seems the Grumpf beat some of  the Hooligans with switches last year and they want revenge. They want the the creature captured so they can put him on their on trial. From a piggie bank, they offer some gold coins stolen from an adventurers' haul as payment.

After determining that it's genuine, Diabolico confiscates the coin they offer, calling it a retainer. How are they going to find the Grumpf, though? Da Brain has it all figured. His calculations predict that Grumpf will appear for the first time this season in Donander Plaza, around the skating rink.

The guys start planning. They get a big cage from a circus; and a net gun, a grappling gun, and one of the experimental electro-guns they used before from Hew Hazzard (which will cost them a favor later). Their lovely administrative assistant, Lola DeWytt, gets drafted be ice-skating bait. The Hardluck Hooligan Marbles will be another selection on the buffet.

Evening falls on Donander Plaza with the gang in their places. The Grumpf shows up and ignores the bait, but instead starts shredding the Plaza's 80-foot Yule trees (one that's magic and sings). Grappling guns, net guns, and electro-blasts are fired, but the Grumpf is only briefly hobbled. Diabolico is licked in the face. The Grumpf bounds away, cursing.

The chase is on! Diabolico is driving a motorcycle with Boris in a sidecar. Boris finally gets him with a net gun. Then the guys lay into the bound eikone with crowbar and boot. When he's good and dazed, the gang drags him back to the Hooligans.

Turns out the kids have a Yuletide dinner prepared. Our heroes join in. Doyle doesn't want to turn Grumpf because he wants to put him on display, King Kong-style, but he's overruled by the others. Our heroes are presented with their payment: five gold coins total (equating to about $35.00 each).

Thirty-five dollars each. Only Doyle makes any move when the Grumpf breaks free and starts switching the Hooligans. We "iris in" on a disgruntled Boris and Diabolico continuing to eat their dinner.

Warlord Wednesday: The Revenge of the Vampire

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"The Revenge of the Vampire"

Warlord #109 (September 1986)

Written by Michael Fleisher; Pencils by Ron Randall; Inks by Steve Montano

Synopsis: Morgan is right where we left him last issue: about to be thrown off a cliff by one of the lamia Mortalla's mindless thralls. He manages to twist around and stake his opponent. At the end of the fight, our heroes have killed most of the vampires but only Morgan, Shakira, and Kbdarr (leader of the mammoth riders) are left. Worse, Kbdarr is certain Mortalla overheard them talking about the location of her magic amulet and is on her way to get it as they speak.

In fact, with the help of the enthralled Damian, she's done just that:

Kbdarr leads our heroes to the yurt of a shaman. The shaman does a ritual to enchant their weapons to help against the undead Mortalla will call forth.

Meanwhile, Mariah and Machiste are in the middle of the ocean after the bone ship and its animated skeleton crew fell apart. It seems the magic that was animating them only works up to a certain distance from Ummschal. Machiste thinks it's hopeless, but Mariah says they've just got to swim. She's getting really tired of Machiste's negativity, too:

Back in the snowy valley, Mortalla raises some undead from a lake to attack the mammoth rider's village. Morgan and friends ride in and take out a lot of undead, but ultimately Morgan's failed by a blow from behind and their captured.

Mortalla has taken Morgan, Shakira, and Kbdarr to a cave and tied them to stalagmites. She plans to dally with Morgan a bit before killing him. Shakira, though, she's got no use for: She orders Damian to kill her. Shakira appeals to the love they once shared, and Damian hesitates. Infuriated, Mortalla uses the amulet's power to blast him with pain.

While she's distracted, Morgan breaks the stalagmite and gets free. He impales Mortalla with a stake, but it does no good; She's impervious to mortal harm. In their scuffle, Morgan does notice that light reflected from the amulet does seem to hurt her. Using a feint with a thrown dagger, he knocks the amulet from her grasp--and turns it on her:

The undead go back to being just dead. Damian is back to himself but caught painfully between life and death. He begs Shakira to release him, but she can't do it. Morgan heeds his friend's pleas, and after bidding him farewell, drives a stake through his heart.

Things to Notice:

• Why doesn't Mariah's eye make-up run in the ocean?

Where it Comes From:
I forgot to mention it last time, but the idea of a lamia comes from Greek mythology. It's used here as just a more generically as just a "female vampire."

Moon Goons

Moon Goons get their name from their faintly luminous, over-sized, heads (or masks), reminiscent of the Moon, and their behavior. Beyond the similarities of appearance, the moon goons are not aligned with the Moon; in fact, they only appear on moonless nights--a possible indication of antipathy?

Moon goons are raiders. They arrive in balloons--or what have the general appearance of balloons--but the gondolas are slung from spheres of a dull metal, lead-like in appearance. Investigation of a capture sphere reveals them to be hollow, but does not reveal from whence they derive their buoyancy nor their motion horizontal motion. Each gondola carries 2-3 moon goons. They arrive in groups of 2-4 balloons.

On those nights of the new moon when the moon goons strike. They disembark from their craft, weird things of spindly, bone-white limbs, faintly aglow, and mumbling, unintelligible speech from unmoving lips. They pray on small, isolated villages or farms. The valuables that interest them are often not particularly valuable at all--at least not in the strictest monetary sense. Sentimental value seems the be the primary quality evident in the things they steal.

Moon goons try to put the humans they rob to sleep with the silvery metallic rods they carry. The slumber they produce is plagued by strange nightmares. Humans that prove resistant to their rods or harm one of the moon goons raiders, may find themselves on sharp end of their scalpel-like knives

MOON GOON
#Enc: 1-3 x 4  AC: 3 HD: 4 Attacks: 1 (sleep on failed saving throw, or 1d6).

Unidentified Guardian Statue

So I'm traveling back from a conference today and trying to sneak by with a lazy post--but I saw this interesting statue and was sure it had to be some some of living statue guardian thingie waiting for the proper trigger to activate it.

I mean, check out those eyes!  Anybody got any ideas what sort of monster it is?

How to Skin A Half-Orc

Or an alternative way to skin them if you're tired of the same old thing. In the tradition of my two previous posts, may I suggest you give those half-orc mechanics a fur coat.

Hairies are mostly gentle, primitive hominids living in communal groups in deep in forests.  Sometimes though, one of them goes rogue.

Ill-fit for the close-knit hairy society, these individuals leave the forest enclaves of their people and put their size and strength to use where they can. Outcast hairies are not necessarily evil (though many are) just too aggressive and individualistic for their own kind. Those characteristics allow them to get a long pretty well in the world of adventurers.

Warlord Wednesday: The Cold Night of the Undead

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"The Cold Night of the Undead"

Warlord #108 (August 1986)

Written by Michael Fleisher; Art by Ron Randall

Synopsis: Morgan, Shakira, and Damon ride through the snowy wastes in a valley sheltered from the Skartarian sun (like the one in issue #9). Suddenly, out of the blowing snows, charges a group of warriors mounted on mammoths!

The battle is joined. Morgan tells Damon to protect Shakira as she’s without a weapon and “helpless.” Shakira takes out several of the attackers and saves Damon’s life. “Helpless,” eh?

Meanwhile, Mariah and Machiste are in the stolen Ummschal bone barge with a kidnapped wizard--and facing down a water elemental. All seems lost, but Mariah keeps her wits about her and forces the wizard to use his magic do something on threat of his life. Ultimately, the wizard relents and makes the elemental boil away. Our heroes only have a moment of relief, because then their boat and its skeletal crew begins to fall apart.

In the frozen valley, Morgan and the others make camp. Damon rides back to a copse of trees to get more firewood. When he arrives, he hears a voice begging for help. He follows it over a snow drift and finds a tomb. Slipping inside in cat form, he finds:

Amazingly, she seems to be alive. This is where Damn’s Hammer Horror-less lifetime hurts him: he pulls the stake from her chest. She rises and embraces him to thank her hero.

Morgan and Shakira start wondering what became of Damon. Telling Shakira to stay put, Morgan goes looking for him and finds him amid the trees. Damon attacks,demonstrating superhuman strength. Before Damon can choke him to death, Morgan gets his sword free and runs his assailant through.

Mammoth riders arrive and tell Morgan that Damon must have violated the tomb of a lamia. As if to prove their point, Damon gets up and runs away. The riders attacked before because Morgan and crew had unknowingly crossed the warning boundary. The leader of the riders tells Morgan the story of the lamia:

Eventually, the lamia Mortalla was brought down. Thought she was immortal, they were able to imprison her in the tomb. Her amulet was hidden by a shaman beneath a great tree.

No sooner is the mammoth rider’s tale done than the lamia and her forces (a group of fisherman she enthralled) attack. She Shakira is surrounded, and Damon is reading to throw Morgan off a cliff!

Things to Notice:

• There are 3 variants of this issues cover: newstand cover as above, a direct sale cover that is liek the cover above both without the UPC, and a newstand version with cover text.
• The scene on the cover doesn't take place in the story.

Where it Comes From:
The title of this issue is a play on Night of the Living Dead, the seminal 1968 zombie film by George Romero.

The lamia Mortalla may have been inspired by Clark Ashton Smith story "Morthylla" (we've seen Fleisher inspired by CAS before), but her costume is classic comic book vampiress, recalling Lilith, Dracula's Daughter, and especially Vampirella.

Rooke

This is Mingus Rooke, club owner, jazz musician, and former adventurer. He's rendered here in a Chester Gould-ish style by Lester B. Portly. Here's Rooke's stats in WaRP:

Mingus Rooke
Famous former adventure; Owner of the Blue Hound club in Solace

Black man, mid-50s, gone a little soft since retiring.

Attack: 2 dice
Defense: 3 dice

Jazz Musician, 6 dice (jazz slang)
In the Know, 3 dice - Well-connected to the adventuring, music, and magical communities. (he's always got a story)
Musical Magic, 3 dice - Can great various spell-like effects via music. Must be able to play his horn or another instrument to use this ability. Range is generally 2 x die roll yards, though this may vary with effect, at the referee's discretion..
Not as Young as He Used to Be - Any exertion that goes over 2 rounds results in a penalty die.

Clowns from the Clouds

There is, they say, a wandering, cloud island, that is home to clowns. These are no mere performers but the thing the mummers ape, fey and changeable beings not of this world.

Where the cloud island passes in it's maundering way, the clowns come down among normal folk, dropping from the sky under motley umbrellas, or sliding down shafts of light. They put on carnivals, perform farces, and throw out candies. After they have gone, people are sometimes found missing, particularly children.

Sometimes when the island passes, the clowns don't come down but instead drop candies of preternatural flavors and small items imbued with magic: a hand mirror, a short sword, a jar of skin cream, a pack of gum. There are rumors that these come in trade--or are perhaps stolen--from the Moon. There are tales spun of daring thieves sneaking on to the cloud island to rob the clowns' treasure stores, but as far as is known, these are just stories.

Other tales purport to come from people who have visited the cloud island and returned. These seldom mention  treasure stores, but do describe colorful tents scattered among cyclopean stone ruins (that may predate the clowns) and the rare tree, strewn with mists and carnival lights. The anarchic clowns careen between merriment and slumber. No clown ever seems to die, no matter what sort of violence is done to them. 

Sometimes, for reasons unknown, a clown falls from the island. These strange,sad creatures become wandering tramps, losing much of their magic and too often turning drink.

[Note: The Clown Island belongs to a world other than the world of Weird Adventures--unless of course, you want it there.]

An Update Infernal

The above is Mammon, boss of the Pluton family, ably rendered by Jeremy (that Dandy in the Underworld). More images of Hell's hoods are forthcoming.  I figured it was time to update the Weird Adventures Index with a the whole rogues gallery.  Check out these posts if you missed them the first time:

     Andras: "Hell's Hoods: The Owl"
     Avernus family: "Hell's Hoods: Meet the Avernus Family"
     Belial: "Hell's Hoods: Sin's Queen"
     Bifrons: "Hell's Hoods: Two-Faced Politician"
     Mammon: "Hell's Hoods: The Fat Man"
     Moloch: "Hell's Hoods: The Bull"
     Pluton family: "Hell's Hoods: Casino Infernale"

Carnival of Lost Souls

In last night's Weird Adventures game, the gang (this time consisting of Cornelius, Diabolico, and Loone) returned to the Carnival Pandemonium--but in daylight this time. Sounds came from the carnival that suggested it was doing brisk business.

Many things in the carnival seemed design to mess with them (well, because they were). Music and sounds were recorded, not real, but the record player they emanated from wasn't working either. The escaping prisoner targets in the shooting gallery had the faces of our heroes.

They decided to take a ride on the "Tomb of Horrors" ride. After passing several gruesome scenes of simulated torturer, they came upon a very real undead gunslinger. Amazingly, Diabolico managed to get a shot off before Deadeye and blow his gun hand off! Cornelius grabbed his other pistol with his bullwhip. The defeated Deadeye disappeared into darkness.

The gang followed and found a door. It was like a stage prop: just a door and frame attached to nothing. He could be opened from either side and led to...some place else. A place with three more doors. After some investigation, the gang stepped through.

Each of the three chose a door and opened it in unison. Colorful smoke came billowing out, and they were unable to escape it. Loone found himself in a another space with the wounded Deadeye trying to bandage his hand. Marzo showed up to tempt Loone: and to possibly absorb Deadeye into the palm of his hand. "The price of failure," he said.

Loone wasn't about to trade his soul. He managed to confuse Marzo momentarily with his mental powers. Long enough to escape back into the first room, at any rate.

Diabolico wound up in a space with Polly the Rubber Girl reclining on a couch. Diabolico might as well have been Boris this whole adventure. He started shooting without so much as a "hello." Polly was quick, though and wound up with her thighs around his neck, strangling him. Diabolico still managed to put a bullet in her and free himself. After that, it was easy to finish her off.

Cornelius found himself facing Chandoo the Mystic. The old man was seated in the lotus position, seemingly an easy target. When Cornelius tried to put his whip around the mystic's neck. He found that he wasn't anywhere close to where he appeared to be. He was using Eastern techniques to cloud Cornelius's mind! He made his whip appear to be a snake and Cornelius dropped it. His keenly honed senses allowed him to draw enough of a bead that he was able to wing his assailant. The mystic attacked more directly, but Cornelius was luckier and did him in. Chandoo's fake accent of the mysterious East dropped as he was dying.

Cornelius refused Marzo's offer and was released. Diabolico refused by shooting the Viscount. Again, Marzo seemed only mildly discomforted, so Diabolico punched him.  Marzo responded by putting a stilletto in Diabolico's gut.

Gravely wounded, Diabolico was tossed out the door to his friends. An examined showed what appeared to be blood on his clothes, but no actual wound! Loone used his mental abilities to help Diabolico realize the injury was illusionary.

By the time that was done, the doors were gone. The carnival now seemed utterly mundane and run down.

Marzo was gone.