500 Posts Ain't a Day at the Beach

But this illustration is.  Heironymus Gaunt and his moll taking the Hotel Elephantine on a beach excursion, rendered for Weird Adventures by the very talented Adam Moore.  Check out his gallery here.

In other news, Jim over at the Flashback Universe Blog has posted part 2 of my indepth article on the Fantastic Four from within the Marvel Universe.

Thanks to every one for reading, following, and commenting over these 500 posts.

The Henchman Life

“Don't feel like you're successful enough to marry your sweetheart?” or “Tired of being a wimp?” These are the questions asked in a hundred ads in tabloid newspapers and pulp magazines in the City. Then they provide the solution: Train to be a professional adventurer! Which is to say: a henchman, a hireling.

Fleischschild’s Institute provides minimal training in outfitting and provisioning of an expedition into the subterranean depths, a couple of lectures from burnout delvers with nervous conditions on typical hazards, and an exploitative short film masquerading as a cautionary docudrama; and the gullible and desperate are turned loose find work. They mill about the entrances of outfitting shops and loiter in adventurers’ saloons waiting for their big chance.

A few get it and rise up the ranks to lead their own delves and make headlines. Most die without anybody knowing more than their first name.

Here are some of the common types encountered:

1. Cornfed farmboy: He’s got enthusiasm and muscles, but not a lot of smarts, and a misplaced chivalry that will get him killed by any monster with a feminine form.
2. Specks: Not necessarily smart in the way you need underground, but guaranteed to have a head full of pulp magazine and comic book nonsense...Which can be useful at times, true.
3. Rosie: It doesn’t matter what her name is, if she could beat you at arm-wrestling she’s Rosie. Good to have around, but always out to prove she can do as well as man does--which can cause problems.
4. Choirboy: He keeps his rosary in hand and prays a lot--mostly to no noticeable effect. Divine intervention is great to have, but hard to come by.
5. Crazy Jane: She might be plain or a real looker, but either way she’s got a crazy look in her eye and a matching berserker streak. Comes in two varieties: gun crazy and blade crazy. Good to have around until she inevitably decides to make for the gates of warrior heaven and take you with her in her blaze of glory.
6. The Twitch: Twitches are always trouble. They’ve got some experience, but it only gave them bad case of shellshock. In the moment you need ‘em most they either start crying for mama or get the thousand yard stare.

Warlord Wednesday: Elsewhen

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"Elsewhen"

Warlord (vol. 1) #64 (December 1982)

Written by Mike Grell (Sharon Grell); Penciled by Dan Jurgens; Inked by Wayne Howard

Synopsis: When last we looked in on Skartaris, Rostov had vanished through a portal opened by the Kaash’Ban while Morgan and Shakira looked on. Morgan recognizes the architecture of the structures he sees in the still-open portal. Before Shakira can protest, he’s got them swinging through it like Tarzan and reluctant Jane.

Once in the weird energy realm inside, Shakira and Morgan lose hold of each other—and Morgan is spit out.

Shakira lands (appropriately) on her feet and finds Rostov. He reveals he did go with the Kaash’Ban willingly. They told him he might be important to their kind, so he agreed to a test. He didn’t expect this to happen! Shakira tells him they're in the past: The Age of the Wizard Kings.

Suddenly, a dragon (of the firebreathing variety) attacks them. After a bit of a chase, the dragon snatches them up in its talons and flies away. Just before he drops them , Rostov is able to get his sword free and stabs the dragon in its underbelly.

They fall on to a cliff. The dragon seems ready to attack, but unexpectedly falls over dead. Then, they hear a voice behind them:

Shakira ask what he means by “loyalties.” The centaur’s surprised, but that response convinces him they’re probably harmless enough. He’s got the very D&D name of Eran Shadowstorm, and he’s been tracking creatures of the Evil One like this dragon. He offers them a ride off the mountain in exchange for their story.

Back in the present, Morgan’s found by the Kaash’Ban. They tell him they didn’t know what would happen with Rostov, only what had to be done. They show him a medallion:

Morgan intends to find his friends. He rides for Castle Deimos..

Things to Notice:

• We get another hint at Shakira's past.
• The pink dragon's membranous wings are so riddled with holes, he most definitely flies by magic.

Where It Comes From:

The title of this issue may have been inspired by a 1941 Robert Heinlein novella of the same name about travel to parallel universes, or perhaps it's just coincidence.

An Alternate Spelljammer Setting

In 1898, the people of Earth discovered they weren’t alone when a brutal invasion was launched from Mars. Luckily, the mauve, squid-headed Invaders were unprepared for the perils of Earth’s biosphere.  No one believed the human race would be so luck should they try again. Scientist went to work studying the Martian technology left behind. Their conclusions were that some sort of psychic power was needed to operate many of the devices. Men from the Society for Psychical Research were co-opted by the British government and were put to the task. Soon, seeking to broaden their knowledge base, they would actively recruit members of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, as well.

The conclusion the research group had come to was that Martian technology had at its base a science previously known to humanity as magic. Soon, the researchers were beginning their first cautious experimentation with operating the devices themselves.

As a new century dawned, the discoveries of Carter from Egypt suggested this science wasn't new, but had only been lost. The occult secrets supposedly uncovered by Blavatsky and others were looked at in a different light. By the second decade of the twentieth century, a space age was underway, brought into being by alien technology and the wisdom of the ancients.

Soon humankind discovered there were other species in the solar system besides the beings they thought of as Martians--a race they realized was actually from a trans-Neptunian world. Nearly every world in the solar system held intelligent life of some sort, a disparate group of species with varying degrees of mastery of the psychic sciences. What’s more, most worlds contained ruins of an even more advanced ancient race. The ruins often contained material riches as well as ancient knowledge.

The nations of earth now had a solar system to fight over. World Wars would become Multi-World Wars with powerful new sciences changing the way they would be fought.

VHS Swords & Sorcery

These days, kids getting into fantasy rpgs have a number of film and TV influences to draw from should our increasingly post-literate world make Appendix N unpalatable. There have even been D&D movies! If we want to stick with quality examples we’ve had the Lord of the Rings films and the D&D-without-the-name Record of Lodoss War, not to mention things like Harry Potter that (while not Medieval) have plenty of magic.

Such was not the case back the eighties. We had to savor what sword and spell films we had, however dubious their merits. Sure, we had several great films from Harryhausen, various Arthurian adaptations, and Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings and Fire and Ice. The quality tended drop off pretty precipitously after the top tier, though, but even those films were invested with extra magic due to their spotty availability on home video.

Some of those fantasy not quite classics that inspired my friends and I back in the day are still rare. I only got one chance to watch Archer: Fugitive from the Empire when it aired in 1981. I’ve been forced to rely only on my dim childhood memories of this sub-Hawk the Slayer “gem” about a young hero with a magic bow who teams up with thief and the daughter of a goddess to seek revenge on an evil wizard. It used to be on youtube (though now its been removed), but I suspect it still lurks out their on the internet in all its made for TV glory.

The Warrior and the Sorceress has David Carradine and plentiful bare breasts going for it--though admittedly only one of those things was uncommon in the post-Conan barbarian invasion. This film makes the provocative proposal that Yojimbo and Fist Full of Dollars would be improved with a four-breasted stripper assassin. I’ll let you judge for yourself whether it makes its case.

Staying in the realm of Boris Vallejo posters and bare breasts (which seems to Argentina, based on where these movies were made) we come to Barbarian Queen. I don’t think it actually provided much gaming inspiration for us, really--and its lack of magic and ancient Rome setting make it technically not a fantasy--but it had other charms that made these deficits easy to overlook in that early gaming era.

It looks like later this month we'll all get the change to revisit these Argentine/American epics in the company of the first two Deathstalker films when Roger Corman's Cult Classics brings them to DVD.

In the Shelving Queue

I’m occasionally accused of having too many books. It is true the number sometimes means shelving requires some planning--sometimes they stack on top of a bookcase until their proper home can be discerned. Here are three awaiting shelving that might have some value as game inspiration:

Yesterday’s Faces Volume 6: Violent Lives is the last of Robert Sampson’s volumes examining the early pulp heroes. Like it usually goes with drugs, the first one was free. My friend Chris gave me Volume 1 as a Christmas gift, after querying Jess Nevins to find a pulp-related tome obscure enough that I probably wouldn’t already have it. After reading the first, I had to order the others--but at least I have someone else to blame. Sampson’s literate prose elevates the material he reviews without ever losing perspective on. This last volume covers the likes of Zorro, Bulldog Drummond, and Khlit the Cossack.

The first of two Comi-Con purchases appearing here is the complete comic adaptation of Robert Lynn Asprin's Another Fine Myth.  Myth Adventures is illustrated by Phil Foglio (whose art is perfect for Asprin’s material). I remember reading some of these original issues back in the day, but it was nice to be able to get it all--and in color--in one place. And for one third price!  Which is probably because you can read it as a webcomic here.

Finally, from Eric Shanower’s table at Comi-Con, I picked up Who’s Who in Oz on an impulse. It’s nicely illustrated by classic Oz illustrators Neill, Kramer, and “Dirk” Gringhuis. It’s slopping over with all the whimsy one expects from Ozian stuff, and really, who doesn’t like whimsy?

Meet at the Morgue

The City Police Department faces a number of magical threats, but it has also managed to turn the arcane to its advantage. It has pioneered the use of forensic thaumaturgy in solving crimes. Perhaps the most essential of these applied magical arts is forensic necromancy.

The unsavory reputation of necromancers led the police to only use them as occasional consultants in the early days. As the obvious utility of the arts became more apparent the department decided to recruit and develop necromantic practitioners.

Forensic necromancers prefer to begin their work at the crime scene. Fresh bodies are easier to work with than ones that have been autopsied or moved to a more sterile location. Speak with the Dead is the most common spell utilized--its often the only spell many practitioners use day to day. Gentle Repose is also useful in preserving bodies for various sorts of evaluation back at the morgue.

It is true that the reputation of necromancers is at least partially earned. Long term exposure to negative energies can lead to a sort of cancer of the soul. First, the afflict develop a morbid fascination and seek out every opportunity to be around the dead or dying. Experimentation with illicit necromantic rituals and spells soon follows.  From that point, escalation to various perversions and depraved criminality is regrettably common.

Police necromancers undergo psychological evaluation to watch for any signs of developing deviancy, but this doesn’t stop them from experiencing some prejudice from their fellow officers based on the popular view of their art.