'Twas Beauty that Killed the Efreet

Well, that and magical lightning bolts.  And airplanes.

Anyway, here's an excerpt from a Weird Adventures take on the cover illo of the AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide--which includes adding liberal amounts of King Kong.  This was realized by the very talented Adam Moore, and you can see a color version on his deviantart site.  Check it out.

On the subject of Weird Adventures, I'm trying to get over this last writing hill (the neighborhoods of middle and upper Empire Island)--which means I may not be around as much posting or commenting the next week or so; we'll see.

In the mean time, stroll over to Gorgonmilk and add your own creative items to the inventory of "Stuff You Might Find in a Goblin Market." 

While I'm plugging, let me suggest you take a drink from the seemingly bottomless and most definitely spiked punch bowl of weird science fantasy that is the Swords & Stitchery blog.  Needles' preoccupations with fungus, parasites, genre b-movies, and general weirdness may strain his sanity, but it's all for your benefit.  Check it out.

The Stalker

If you should find yourself in the City on a lonely railway platform in the wee hours or taking a night train across the dark countryside, you may happen to get the sensation you’re being watched. That may mean you have reason to be afraid.

Travelers in similar situations have looked to see the vague shape of what might be a fellow traveler clinging to the shadows of the platform, or have seen a gaunt figure receding in the distance as the train passes, its eyes glowing like signal lights.

The rail stalker appears to select his prey at random, but once he has done so he always lets the hapless traveler glimpse him at least once. The next time the victim sees the creature’s pale, naked, and emaciated form may be when he strikes.

The creature (it is unclear if there is more than one) attacks by opening his mouth absurdly wide in a caricature of a scream and emitting a sound or vibration. Things directly in its path may be damage as if thousands of years of erosion took place in a single moment, concentrated in a narrow area. Those nearby but not directly in the path describe a sudden wave of fear and a mind numbing hum. The stalker prefers to kill by embracing his victim and deilvering a kiss—a kiss that sends his deadly vibration through the victim’s body, turning bone to powder and liquifying organs.

Some thaumaturgists believe the sound made by the rail stalker is a sound from the end of the material universe, the wail of of inevitable armageddon that the rail stalker somehow carries in his withered frame. And aches to share with others.

[The rail stalker is, of course, a modern/near-modern horror riff on Fiend Folio’s Dune Stalker and resembles that creature in game particulars.  'Cause a naked, clawed dude trying to kiss you in a subway station is scarier than one in a desert, maybe.]

Warlord Wednesday: DC Invades Skartaris

I've mentioned before how Crisis on Infinite Earths brought the Warlord (originally conceived as existing in his on universe) into the DC Multiverse.  Not only has Morgan made some trips to the outer earth of the DC heroes, those guys have visited Skartaris.  And sometimes, it ain't pretty.  Case in point:

Justice League Task Force #35-36 (1996) couldn't be more nineties if Martian Manhunter was listening to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Shakira moved into Melrose Place.  The visit of this proactive (i.e. extreme) version of the Justice League to Skataris is just so...extreme.

Maybe this extreme-ness was why it ended the very next issue.

A couple of years earlier, Warlord had an appearance in a better book, albeit only a cameo.  1991's Books of Magic #4 saw him rubbing shoulders with Vertigo charcters to be, and beautifully illustrated by Charles Vess:

The Teen Titans visit I've chronicled before.  The next superhero to vacation beneath the eternal orb of Skartaris' sun was Wonder Woman.  Writer/artist Phil Jimenez sent her there after a cabal of super-villainesses for a five part arc in 2002 beginning in #179.  Jimenez's rendering of Skartaris and its people is different, but interesting, and several of the Warlord cast make appearances.  The hitch is those appearances are pretty limited.  Morgan and Jennifer are off the stage early so Wonder Woman and her supporting cast can be the stars:

The DCU isn't done with the Warlord.  The internet tells me the new Flashpoint: Deathstroke and the Curse of the Ravager limited features an alternate history version of Travis Morgan, a pirate (clever given that Grell named him after a pirate). 

Who know's where he'll turn up next or who will be making a visit to the inner world?

Spaceman's Bar Encounter Table

“It was a motley crowd, Earthmen and Martians, and Venusian swampmen and strange, nameless denizens of unnamed planets...”

- CL Moore, “Shambleau”

This could be used with my pulp Spelljammer idea or any other pulpy space game:

01 A shifty human trader with a large, glowing jar containing squirming forms he says are solar salamanders--for sale.

02 Two spacers in aged flight suits.  They're of human stock but congenitally scarred from in utero exposure to poorly shielded eldritch drives and strange radiations.

03 Four pygmy-like “mushroom men"--fungoid sophonts from the Venusian caverns. They are deep in their reproductive cycle and close proximity gives a 10% chance per minute of exposure inhaling their spores.

04 A reptoid outlaw with bloodshot eyes from chronic hssoska abuse and an itchy trigger-claw.

05 A balding man with thick glasses and a nervous look sitting at a table in the shadows. If observed for at least a minute he will be seen to flicker like a bad transmission on a viewscreen.

07 A human child with pigtails and sad eyes surrounded by faint, swirling colorful lights.

08 A cyborg gladiator (his parts occasionally leaking oil) on the run from one of the L4 arenas regales two groupies with his exploits.

09 A scruffy prophet and his 1d4 wide-eyed and oddly-dressed teen acolytes, dealing in spiritual enhancers.

10 Blonde and statuesque Venusian women, neuro-goads on their belts, looking for a suitable male.

Lovecraft Birthday Gift Ideas

I'm a day late for HPL's birthday, but for next year, here are some Lovecraftiana for yourself or your favorite cultist:

In The Annotated Lovecraft and More Annotated Lovecraft, preeminent Lovecraft scholar S.T. Joshi provides corrected text and interesting footnotes on selected Lovecraft stories.  The first volume includes "At the Mountains of Madness," and "The Dunwich Horror," among others.  The second takes a look at some lesser (but no less interesting) tales like "Herbert West: Re-Animator."

Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown is a documentary about HPL's life and work.  It's of a cable TV quality, but it features the likes of Joshi, Guillermo del Toro, Neil Gaiman, and John Carpenter.  It turns out its available to watch online through Amazon Video.

Cthulhu Fthagn!

500 Posts Ain't a Day at the Beach

But this illustration is.  Heironymus Gaunt and his moll taking the Hotel Elephantine on a beach excursion, rendered for Weird Adventures by the very talented Adam Moore.  Check out his gallery here.

In other news, Jim over at the Flashback Universe Blog has posted part 2 of my indepth article on the Fantastic Four from within the Marvel Universe.

Thanks to every one for reading, following, and commenting over these 500 posts.

The Henchman Life

“Don't feel like you're successful enough to marry your sweetheart?” or “Tired of being a wimp?” These are the questions asked in a hundred ads in tabloid newspapers and pulp magazines in the City. Then they provide the solution: Train to be a professional adventurer! Which is to say: a henchman, a hireling.

Fleischschild’s Institute provides minimal training in outfitting and provisioning of an expedition into the subterranean depths, a couple of lectures from burnout delvers with nervous conditions on typical hazards, and an exploitative short film masquerading as a cautionary docudrama; and the gullible and desperate are turned loose find work. They mill about the entrances of outfitting shops and loiter in adventurers’ saloons waiting for their big chance.

A few get it and rise up the ranks to lead their own delves and make headlines. Most die without anybody knowing more than their first name.

Here are some of the common types encountered:

1. Cornfed farmboy: He’s got enthusiasm and muscles, but not a lot of smarts, and a misplaced chivalry that will get him killed by any monster with a feminine form.
2. Specks: Not necessarily smart in the way you need underground, but guaranteed to have a head full of pulp magazine and comic book nonsense...Which can be useful at times, true.
3. Rosie: It doesn’t matter what her name is, if she could beat you at arm-wrestling she’s Rosie. Good to have around, but always out to prove she can do as well as man does--which can cause problems.
4. Choirboy: He keeps his rosary in hand and prays a lot--mostly to no noticeable effect. Divine intervention is great to have, but hard to come by.
5. Crazy Jane: She might be plain or a real looker, but either way she’s got a crazy look in her eye and a matching berserker streak. Comes in two varieties: gun crazy and blade crazy. Good to have around until she inevitably decides to make for the gates of warrior heaven and take you with her in her blaze of glory.
6. The Twitch: Twitches are always trouble. They’ve got some experience, but it only gave them bad case of shellshock. In the moment you need ‘em most they either start crying for mama or get the thousand yard stare.