Friday, December 14, 2012

Secret Santicore: Paradoxical Daemons

Dallas M. asks for "an encounter based around a paradox." Through the magic of Secret Santicore, Gus L obliges: 

It's a fact known to devotees of the forbidden arts, cultists of the Church of Starry Wisdom, Psychonauts and others that have congress with entities and powers from beyond the realms of normal space and time; that the mundane world (despite its seeming absurdity) is an ordered realm amongst a vast sea of chaos.   The entities from the other worlds (especially those devoted to chaos and strife) despise the orderly nature of the commonplace universe.  Often when these creatures find their way through the veil of worlds they simply rampage, but others are more subtle and fond of paradox as the paradoxical reveals the universe's ultimate disorder and the futility of logical categorization.  Below are a few potential encounters with these paradoxical daemons and their handiwork:

Bridge - A stupid and malicious fiend by the name of Buri guards a narrow bridge over a torrent and asks the question "Answer me! Will I fling you from this bridge or let you pass? If you tell the truth you will go unmolested and if you lie I will dash you into the torrent below."  Of course Buri has no interest in letting anyone pass unmolested. If the characters answer his question saying he will allow them to pass the fiend will laugh, call them liars and fling them into the water preventing passage again even when they survive the torrent.  When he is in the right Buri is filled with supernatural strength and extremely powerful.  However, should the characters tell the “truth” that Buri will not allow them to pass, his power will be drained, as he can neither fling them into the torrent due to the truth of their statement, or allow them to pass as failure to hurl down the characters will transform their truthful statement into a lie.  Buri may be easily passed while he writhes in confusion, but will eventually figure out that to make the paradox work he can simply fling the characters into the water after they pass, though of course his power will be much lessened and they will have bypassed Buri at this point.

Sometimes a related, and even less intelligent, crocodile headed demon kidnaps children, damsels, youths or party members and offers to return them to someone who tells the truth to the question: “Will I refrain from eating my captive, and return him?”


Box - Some Daemons prefer traps and signs to direct intervention in the mundane world.  A common form that such paradoxical artifacts take is the twenty-two clasp box.  A chest of about 3' square and made of polished, engraved and detailed steel, with twenty-two locks on its front.  Each lock may be picked as a normal lock, but for every second failed picking attempt all previously picked locks will close and a blade, spike razor wire whip or saw will flash outward from the box inflicting minor injury to the thief attempting to pick it.  These traps are so numerous and cunningly laid that it is impossible to detect them all and a new one will be triggered with each failed picking attempt.  The box may also be smashed open, though doing so will require a blacksmith's shop and several days as the walls of the chest are almost a foot thick and lightly magically warded against direct attack.  Opening the box by force will destroy it completely. Beyond picking all the locks or forcing it open the box of twenty-two clasps can be opened only with it's bejeweled, solid gold key (which is valuable but certainly not worth the trouble of the box).  This key is always the only item within the box when it is discovered.  Magical attempts to bypass the locks (such as Knock or Dimension Door spells) will transport the caster and anyone within 20' of the box into a chaotic labyrinth guarded by the daemons who created the box, with the box key (and a portal back to the mundane world) at its center.

Should a character open the box without destroying it they will undoubtedly be frustrated to discover that the box's key is the only thing within; however, the box itself is a valuable extra-planar artifact and extraordinarily secure.


Beast – Taxidermy of Animalia Paradoxa or contradictory animals, are sometimes created by daemons of paradox, or animated from taxidermy chimera created by mortals.  These creatures tend to be found in the back rooms of dingy museums, as part of the wunderkammer of dissolute nobles,  decorating mad kings' treasure hoards or in the dusty laboratories of powerful sorcerers.   Each Animalia Paradoxa is unique (though several similar ones have been reported), but all appear and react generally the same.  An Animalia is a taxidermy, and usually a poor one, a assemblage of several quotidian beast masquerading as a magical one, or more rarely the remains of magical beasts stitched and stuffed into the shape of an unremarkable creature.   In every case the farcically bad taxidermy sits inanimate collecting dust until anyone within its ear shot (50' or so) remarks that the taxidermy is “fake” or was never a real animal.  Doubt of the Animalia's authenticity animates it into a violent frenzy where is rips and maims all life it can find for several hours, even after the original doubter is deceased or fled.  Animalia vary greatly in size and level danger, but all are immune to non-magical weapons, cold, electricity, poison and negative energies.

One of the most famous Animalia Paxadoxia, which has so far escaped destruction and left a wake of death behind it, is the four headed “weasel hydra”.  This monstrosity appears to be made of the stitched together skins and bones of several giant weasels, standing about 5' tall.  When aroused it attacks with its four malformed weasel heads and numerous claws, biting and tearing with all the ferocity the weasel displays during life.  Worse still, the interior of the creature is infected with a mold that produces hallucinogenic spores and the weasel hydra will blast a toxic cloud from its mouths  while it attacks, driving its attackers into madness and confusion.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

'Twas the Fight Before Yule


Last night's Weird Adventures Holiday Special opened with our heroes (Don Diabolico, Cornelius Doyle, and Boris Brovksy) getting a visit from the kid gang known as the Hardluck Hooligans: Knuckles (the tough one), Da Brain (the smart one), Freckles (freckles), Topper (oversized tophat), Juniper (tomboy in an aviator helmet), Sunshine and Smiles (creepy, somber kids), and the Kid in Yellow (weird kid from Little Carcosa) and a couple of others. As Knuckles explains it, the kids want to hire our heroes to capture the anti-Yule spirit, the Grumpf.

It seems the Grumpf beat some of  the Hooligans with switches last year and they want revenge. They want the the creature captured so they can put him on their on trial. From a piggie bank, they offer some gold coins stolen from an adventurers' haul as payment.

After determining that it's genuine, Diabolico confiscates the coin they offer, calling it a retainer. How are they going to find the Grumpf, though? Da Brain has it all figured. His calculations predict that Grumpf will appear for the first time this season in Donander Plaza, around the skating rink.

The guys start planning. They get a big cage from a circus; and a net gun, a grappling gun, and one of the experimental electro-guns they used before from Hew Hazzard (which will cost them a favor later). Their lovely administrative assistant, Lola DeWytt, gets drafted be ice-skating bait. The Hardluck Hooligan Marbles will be another selection on the buffet.

Evening falls on Donander Plaza with the gang in their places. The Grumpf shows up and ignores the bait, but instead starts shredding the Plaza's 80-foot Yule trees (one that's magic and sings). Grappling guns, net guns, and electro-blasts are fired, but the Grumpf is only briefly hobbled. Diabolico is licked in the face. The Grumpf bounds away, cursing.

The chase is on! Diabolico is driving a motorcycle with Boris in a sidecar. Boris finally gets him with a net gun. Then the guys lay into the bound eikone with crowbar and boot. When he's good and dazed, the gang drags him back to the Hooligans.

Turns out the kids have a Yuletide dinner prepared. Our heroes join in. Doyle doesn't want to turn Grumpf because he wants to put him on display, King Kong-style, but he's overruled by the others. Our heroes are presented with their payment: five gold coins total (equating to about $35.00 each).

Thirty-five dollars each. Only Doyle makes any move when the Grumpf breaks free and starts switching the Hooligans. We "iris in" on a disgruntled Boris and Diabolico continuing to eat their dinner.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Warlord Wednesday: The Revenge of the Vampire

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"The Revenge of the Vampire"
Warlord #109 (September 1986)
Written by Michael Fleisher; Pencils by Ron Randall; Inks by Steve Montano

Synopsis: Morgan is right where we left him last issue: about to be thrown off a cliff by one of the lamia Mortalla's mindless thralls. He manages to twist around and stake his opponent. At the end of the fight, our heroes have killed most of the vampires but only Morgan, Shakira, and Kbdarr (leader of the mammoth riders) are left. Worse, Kbdarr is certain Mortalla overheard them talking about the location of her magic amulet and is on her way to get it as they speak.

In fact, with the help of the enthralled Damian, she's done just that:


Kbdarr leads our heroes to the yurt of a shaman. The shaman does a ritual to enchant their weapons to help against the undead Mortalla will call forth.

Meanwhile, Mariah and Machiste are in the middle of the ocean after the bone ship and its animated skeleton crew fell apart. It seems the magic that was animating them only works up to a certain distance from Ummschal. Machiste thinks it's hopeless, but Mariah says they've just got to swim. She's getting really tired of Machiste's negativity, too:


Back in the snowy valley, Mortalla raises some undead from a lake to attack the mammoth rider's village. Morgan and friends ride in and take out a lot of undead, but ultimately Morgan's failed by a blow from behind and their captured.

Mortalla has taken Morgan, Shakira, and Kbdarr to a cave and tied them to stalagmites. She plans to dally with Morgan a bit before killing him. Shakira, though, she's got no use for: She orders Damian to kill her. Shakira appeals to the love they once shared, and Damian hesitates. Infuriated, Mortalla uses the amulet's power to blast him with pain.

While she's distracted, Morgan breaks the stalagmite and gets free. He impales Mortalla with a stake, but it does no good; She's impervious to mortal harm. In their scuffle, Morgan does notice that light reflected from the amulet does seem to hurt her. Using a feint with a thrown dagger, he knocks the amulet from her grasp--and turns it on her:


The undead go back to being just dead. Damian is back to himself but caught painfully between life and death. He begs Shakira to release him, but she can't do it. Morgan heeds his friend's pleas, and after bidding him farewell, drives a stake through his heart.

Things to Notice:
  • Why doesn't Mariah's eye make-up run in the ocean?
Where it Comes From:
I forgot to mention it last time, but the idea of a lamia comes from Greek mythology. It's used here as just a more generically as just a "female vampire."

Monday, December 10, 2012

Moon Goons


Moon Goons get their name from their faintly luminous, over-sized, heads (or masks), reminiscent of the Moon, and their behavior. Beyond the similarities of appearance, the moon goons are not aligned with the Moon; in fact, they only appear on moonless nights--a possible indication of antipathy?

Moon goons are raiders. They arrive in balloons--or what have the general appearance of balloons--but the gondolas are slung from spheres of a dull metal, lead-like in appearance. Investigation of a capture sphere reveals them to be hollow, but does not reveal from whence they derive their buoyancy nor their motion horizontal motion. Each gondola carries 2-3 moon goons. They arrive in groups of 2-4 balloons.

On those nights of the new moon when the moon goons strike. They disembark from their craft, weird things of spindly, bone-white limbs, faintly aglow, and mumbling, unintelligible speech from unmoving lips. They pray on small, isolated villages or farms. The valuables that interest them are often not particularly valuable at all--at least not in the strictest monetary sense. Sentimental value seems the be the primary quality evident in the things they steal.

Moon goons try to put the humans they rob to sleep with the silvery metallic rods they carry. The slumber they produce is plagued by strange nightmares. Humans that prove resistant to their rods or harm one of the moon goons raiders, may find themselves on sharp end of their scalpel-like knives

MOON GOON
#Enc: 1-3 x 4  AC: 3 HD: 4 Attacks: 1 (sleep on failed saving throw, or 1d6).

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Unidentified Guardian Statue


So I'm traveling back from a conference today and trying to sneak by with a lazy post--but I saw this interesting statue and was sure it had to be some some of living statue guardian thingie waiting for the proper trigger to activate it.

I mean, check out those eyes!  Anybody got any ideas what sort of monster it is?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

How to Skin A Half-Orc


Or an alternative way to skin them if you're tired of the same old thing. In the tradition of my two previous posts, may I suggest you give those half-orc mechanics a fur coat.

Hairies are mostly gentle, primitive hominids living in communal groups in deep in forests.  Sometimes though, one of them goes rogue.

Ill-fit for the close-knit hairy society, these individuals leave the forest enclaves of their people and put their size and strength to use where they can. Outcast hairies are not necessarily evil (though many are) just too aggressive and individualistic for their own kind. Those characteristics allow them to get a long pretty well in the world of adventurers.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Warlord Wednesday: The Cold Night of the Undead

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"The Cold Night of the Undead"
Warlord #108 (August 1986)
Written by Michael Fleisher; Art by Ron Randall

Synopsis: Morgan, Shakira, and Damon ride through the snowy wastes in a valley sheltered from the Skartarian sun (like the one in issue #9). Suddenly, out of the blowing snows, charges a group of warriors mounted on mammoths!

The battle is joined. Morgan tells Damon to protect Shakira as she’s without a weapon and “helpless.” Shakira takes out several of the attackers and saves Damon’s life. “Helpless,” eh?


Meanwhile, Mariah and Machiste are in the stolen Ummschal bone barge with a kidnapped wizard--and facing down a water elemental. All seems lost, but Mariah keeps her wits about her and forces the wizard to use his magic do something on threat of his life. Ultimately, the wizard relents and makes the elemental boil away. Our heroes only have a moment of relief, because then their boat and its skeletal crew begins to fall apart.

In the frozen valley, Morgan and the others make camp. Damon rides back to a copse of trees to get more firewood. When he arrives, he hears a voice begging for help. He follows it over a snow drift and finds a tomb. Slipping inside in cat form, he finds:


Amazingly, she seems to be alive. This is where Damn’s Hammer Horror-less lifetime hurts him: he pulls the stake from her chest. She rises and embraces him to thank her hero.

Morgan and Shakira start wondering what became of Damon. Telling Shakira to stay put, Morgan goes looking for him and finds him amid the trees. Damon attacks,demonstrating superhuman strength. Before Damon can choke him to death, Morgan gets his sword free and runs his assailant through.

Mammoth riders arrive and tell Morgan that Damon must have violated the tomb of a lamia. As if to prove their point, Damon gets up and runs away. The riders attacked before because Morgan and crew had unknowingly crossed the warning boundary. The leader of the riders tells Morgan the story of the lamia:


Eventually, the lamia Mortalla was brought down. Thought she was immortal, they were able to imprison her in the tomb. Her amulet was hidden by a shaman beneath a great tree.

No sooner is the mammoth rider’s tale done than the lamia and her forces (a group of fisherman she enthralled) attack. She Shakira is surrounded, and Damon is reading to throw Morgan off a cliff!

Things to Notice:
  • There are 3 variants of this issues cover: newstand cover as above, a direct sale cover that is liek the cover above both without the UPC, and a newstand version with cover text.
  • The scene on the cover doesn't take place in the story.
Where it Comes From:
The title of this issue is a play on Night of the Living Dead, the seminal 1968 zombie film by George Romero.

The lamia Mortalla may have been inspired by Clark Ashton Smith story "Morthylla" (we've seen Fleisher inspired by CAS before), but her costume is classic comic book vampiress, recalling Lilith, Dracula's Daughter, and especially Vampirella.