Sunday, December 18, 2011

McDungeonland


In the proud tradition of the EX series of modules, consider this isolated valley (or maybe a demi-plane) inhabited by strange creatures--some of them with foodstuffs for heads...


Stranglely, despite being part foodstuff themselves, the inhabitants cheerfully consume the talking food that exists ready-made in their environment: There are patches of cheerful "hamburgers," trees that grow apple pies, a lake teeming with breaded and fried fish, and even a small volcano which oozes a frozen chocolate beverage.

The strange land is not without its dangers.  There are small, bespectacled goblins ("gobblins"), shaggy and colorful, who will steal food from the unaware.  A humanoid of piratical dress and demeanor wll menace those who take the fried fish from the lake.  A masked humanoid thief in cloak and stripped outfit likewise steals food, but he favors beef.  Finally, there is a purple blob-like creature that can manifest two or four arms, who is sometimes benign, but other times may attack to steal the "shakes" which emerge from the volcano.  The creature may be some sort of "shake" elemental, himself.

Though not in a overt position of leadership, the secret ruler of the land is a clown in motley with a friendly demeanor--but perhaps less friendly goals.

20 comments:

Lee Reynoldson said...

How much XP for Ronald?

Tim Shorts said...

I remember having that poster. Man. I never realized how creepy it was until now.

Aos said...

I always wanted to got there when I was a kid.

Sean Robson said...

Don't forget the dangers that come from actually eating the food.

This realm is scarier than Ravenloft.

Trey said...

@Lee - Hmmm...Slaying his avatar or truly doing him in forever on his home plane?

@Sean - A demiplane of dread...supersized.

Justin S. Davis said...

Thank you for this post, because most of my gaming crowd is too young to remember the likes of Captain Crook and The Perfesser.

When I was a wee one, back in the 1970s glory days of fast-food playgrounds and climbing-structures, the local McDonald's had a giant fiberglass Captain Crook pirate ship that dominated the interior of the restaurant. It was bedecked with Fry Guys with eyepatches, and WAS AWESOME.

Word Verification: "Corcuber"

I dunno what it is, but it sounds like something a fast-food pirate would promote!

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Oh wow, that has got to be the creepiest interpretation of Ronald McDonald ever. Seriously, where did they find that guy?

seaofstarsrpg said...

Obviously this borders on the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Perhaps the rulers are rivals? Or perhaps they plot together to spread into the human realm.

dervishdelver said...

I'm not sure wether to say, reminiscing, "happy place", or with dread, "happy place, happy place"!

Jason Carney said...

Ronald McDonald is a Neutral Evil Wild Mage. He is the ally/toady of Venger, Lord of "the Realm," and the sworn enemy of Dungeon Master.

Erik said...

Didn't they do a McDonald's riff in Dragon magazine one time? Some sort of fiendish version?

Zenopus Archives said...

Ah, The Professor. They phased him out at some point in the 80s after the introduction of Early Bird. I have a copy of the 1980 Ronald McDonald Coloring Calendar and he is still featured. The 1980 calendar was popular in my house for the crazy yet real holidays it featured (Cuckoo Dancing Week, Dunce Day, etc) and the coupons the value of which exceeded the cost.

Trey: what year is that McDonaldland brochure from?

Trey said...

@Justin - Man, that does sound cool. I'd sorta like to see one of those now.

@Mike - Somewhere close to Hell, I'm sure.

@Dervishdelver - Ambivalence is ok.

@Jason - Ah ha! It's all coming together now.

@Zenopus - I believe it's '74.

Bard said...

Calories = XP! I feel so much better about eating junk food now!

(Hmmm...getting a bit peckish. I think I'll go to the fridge and level up).

Trey said...

Remember the training that goes along with it. ;)

Lee Reynoldson said...

Trey said . . .@Lee - Hmmm...Slaying his avatar or truly doing him in forever on his home plane?

Both. I'm a total XP whore.

Nakia Pope said...

Though not in a overt position of leadership, the secret ruler of the land is a clown in motley with a friendly demeanor--but perhaps less friendly goals.

Are you suggesting Ronald is pulling Mayor McCheese's strings, or is the democratically elected Mayor fighting the good fight against the Evil Clown Overlord?

Trey said...

I'm thinking McCheese is in the clown's oversized pocket.

Jayson said...

Weirdly, I never really noticed before--but they were totally taking their cue from Syd & Marty Krofft, weren't they?

Trey said...

Yeah. They actually lost a lawsuit over that very issue.