Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Wizard's Estate Sale


Lucius T. Malregard, infamous Southron sorceror, has passed on. (His body was found ripped limb from limb and in an advanced state of decay, but that’s another story.) His estate is being sold at auction by his relatives. The following items are on the block:

1. Jelly Monkeys candies in a wax-paper bag: These 5 colorful, gelatinous, monkey-shaped candies have been made into homunculi powered by blood. A pinprick drop of blood in the “mouth” of a Jelly Monkey will animate it for a day and place it under the command of the person whose blood fed it. The monkeys are able to report what they see and hear, though their intellects and vocabularies are limited. If the candy is eaten, a person will experience everything the monkey did that day. The more blood fed to the monkeys (or that they illicitly consume), the larger they will grow--and the more willful they will become (though the changes take time and will not immediately be apparent).

2. Human Skull: An adult human skull with a separated calvarium. If a candle is placed inside, and the skull is in darkness, flickering black and white images (like a kinetoscope) are projected from its eye sockets. These images are essentially clairvoyance (as the spell)--if a specific location is requested (aloud) of the skull. Otherwise, they are random and may be from anywhere in the world. Every night at the stroke of midnight, the skull laughs loudly and says: “Oh, for Heavens sake, Ormsley!”

3. One Past Midnight Man: Selected Recordings: A box of 3 10-inch phonograph records emblazoned with an image of an old-fashioned minstrelsy performer: the One Past Midnight Man. If any of the records are played, strange and backwards sounding voices can be heard overlayed on the primary recording. Upon completion of an record, a 10-inch tall man dressed like the figure on the cover will appear, only he is not in embarrassing blackface, but rather his skin is an unnatural inky black--as if made out of night, itself. He can teach any spell of the necromantic school (and likely others)--for a price.

4. Obscura gossamer: Wound around a bone spindle, is a black and silken, rough outline of a human. In fact, it is a human shadow that if attached to a new host (this process is unknown) obscures the wearer in such a way that they are hidden from magical and nonmagical attempts to find them (short of a wish). People can interact with them normally (if they draw attention to themselves) but won’t remember doing so within minutes. Attaching the shadow is likely permanent.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

'Zat You, Santa Claus?


I hope everyone has a great holiday....


...here are a couple of Christmas pin-ups to help spread the cheer.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Christmas Ogre Says


Only two days left until Christmas!  Still shopping?  Give the gift of hillbilly ogres, contagious murder ballads, hobogoblins, and man-eating cathouses.  Fill a virtual stocking with Weird Adventures!

Available from the fine retailers at RPGNow and Drivethrurpg.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

All Your Holiday Favorites


In the tradition of yearly holiday television special repeats, I thought I'd revisit a couple classic Christmas-themed posts.  If you've never read 'em, they're all new!

When it's Yule-time in the City, Father Yule may need the help of stalwart adventures.  Find out why.


Speaking of versions of Santa Claus, there are a lot of them from the silly to the....well, somewhat less silly that might be used in gaming. See what sort of adventure may occur when Santa Claus comes to town.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Warlord Wednesday: All Dreams Must Pass

Let's re-enter the lost world with another installment of my issue by issue examination of DC Comic's Warlord, the earlier installments of which can be found here...

"All Dreams Must Pass"
Warlord #75 (November 1983)
Written by Cary Burkett; Penciled by Dan Jurgens; Inked by Bob Smith

Synopsis: In the Palace Library in Shamballah, the lavender-clad and mustachioed troubadour, Graemore, goes looking for Queen Tara, only to find out (to his disappointment) that her mate, Travis Morgan, has returned.

Meanwhile, Morgan and Tara are out riding and having the usual argument about Tara’s responsibility to her kingdom versus Morgan’s wanderlust. Where does it leave their their relationship?

Caught up in their personal drama, neither notices the sinister crow that seems to watch them.

Leagues away, a New Atlantean invasion fleet emerges into Skartaris from the sea passage. It’s led by Lord Saber-Tooth, a beast-man with a mission:


Back in Shamballah, Morgan and Tara’s ride becomes even less pleasant which a strange twister appears out of nowhere. It selectively snatches Morgan up into the air while the crow’s beady eyes gleam with triumph. Morgan manages to use his boot dagger to stake himself to a tree and ride out the weird weather. Almost losing him softens Tara’s heart towards him and it appears Morgan is back in her good graces.

The bird flies to a strange hut deep in the forest. There it transforms into Saaba, the witch our heroes encounter before. The wind elemental was her doing, summoned to get revenge on Morgan for denying her the power of the Eye of Shakakhan (issue #16). She realizes she needs help to get her vengeance. She looks into her crystal ball:


Graemore meets Tara in the palace. He can’t believe she took Morgan back after saying she wouldn’t. He makes no secret of the fact he loves her too and had hoped Morgan gone for good. He wonders what Tara will do when Morgan leaves again?

At that moment, Morgan is pondering the silver cassette and the mysteries of the weapons cache he found. Krystovar shows up, having discovered hints of an Atlantean complex beneath Shamballah. Morgan knows about it (from issue #15) and agrees to show it to him.

Descending into the complex, they find its computers more operational than Morgan thought. He puts the cassette under an analyzer and is shocked when the computer reads it as a U.S. Air Force service record—from over 300 years in the future!


There’s no time to ponder these mysteries, as they get grim news. Kaambuka, kingdom of Morgan’s friend Ashir, has fallen to an invading army that now marches toward Shamballah.

The New Atlantean Army approaches from the north and Saaba is helping them.

The Shamballan defenders fight bravely, but the New Atlanteans have energy cannons and Saaba’s magic. Her elemental smashes the city’s gate. Morgan realizes he must lead a retreat.

Tara, however, refuses to leave her city. Morgan has no choice:


Morgan leads what people he can gather down into the Atlantean complex and out beyond the city’s walls. Lord Saber-Tooth searches for him in the Shamballah’s burning streets in vain.

From a height overlooking the conquered city, Morgan swears to his mate he’ll help her get her kingdom back.

Things to Notice:
  • Graemore has gotten a perm since we last saw him.
  • Where are the other Brood-Brothers?  Does Lord Saber-Tooth go it alone?  And why is he a lord? 
Where it Comes From:
Again, Burkett relies heavily on Warlord lore.  The Graemore-Tara-Morgan triangle introduced in the back in the imposter story arc, Saaba the Witch, and the high-tech Atlantean ruins beneath Shamballah (where previously the computer went insane).

Monday, December 19, 2011

Weird Adventures Outtake and Review

Those of you who've picked up Weird Adventures (and thank you) have no doubt noticed a few advertisements sprinkled here and there for products or services not available in our world.  There were some others that didn't make it into the pdf--like the one that was going to feature this logo for Brown Jenkin Whiskey:


Aged in non-Euclidean barrels, I hear.  Brown Jenkin Whiskey: Look for it where you find other potent spirits.

Anyway, Satyre has a thorough (and positive) review of Weird Adventures hereAos, ruler of the Metal Earth, is less detailed but unambiguous in his advice to "buy it now."  They're both very wise men.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

McDungeonland


In the proud tradition of the EX series of modules, consider this isolated valley (or maybe a demi-plane) inhabited by strange creatures--some of them with foodstuffs for heads...


Stranglely, despite being part foodstuff themselves, the inhabitants cheerfully consume the talking food that exists ready-made in their environment: There are patches of cheerful "hamburgers," trees that grow apple pies, a lake teeming with breaded and fried fish, and even a small volcano which oozes a frozen chocolate beverage.

The strange land is not without its dangers.  There are small, bespectacled goblins ("gobblins"), shaggy and colorful, who will steal food from the unaware.  A humanoid of piratical dress and demeanor wll menace those who take the fried fish from the lake.  A masked humanoid thief in cloak and stripped outfit likewise steals food, but he favors beef.  Finally, there is a purple blob-like creature that can manifest two or four arms, who is sometimes benign, but other times may attack to steal the "shakes" which emerge from the volcano.  The creature may be some sort of "shake" elemental, himself.

Though not in a overt position of leadership, the secret ruler of the land is a clown in motley with a friendly demeanor--but perhaps less friendly goals.