Thursday, October 14, 2010

Apocalypse Clown


“You’ve heard of the Clown?”

“Yes, well, we discounted the stories at first, too.  Who wouldn't?  But the rumors persisted.  Of course, we were skeptical, but we sent agents, nonetheless. Can never be to careful.”

"I should add, these agents did not return."

“At any rate this..clown simply appeared among the deep jungles tribes. Somehow he won them over. Make-up, motley, and false nose, yet he won over cannibal tribes. Miraculous acts were performed, supposedly. This was months ago. Now the natives worship the man like a god, and follow his every command, no matter how...ridiculous.”

“His people only emerge from the jungle to raid neighboring tribes. Peaceful tribes.  Tribes with whom we do business. They take heads.  We hear they kill all the men, and take the women and children back with them into the jungle for who knows what. Human sacrifice, perhaps? Nothing would surprise me now.”

“He’s a threat to our interests in the entire region. Is this a problem we can count on you to solve?”


(With apologies to Conrad and Coppola.  And Bozo.)

13 comments:

Jeff Rients said...

Creepy awesome.

Lagomorph Rex said...

Does he perhaps wrap his victims in Cotton Candy and suck their blood through a curly straw?

Roger the GS said...

That Pennywise ... he shows up everywhere!

Chris Creel said...

Yes creepy and a great rpg plot into too!

Risus Monkey said...

Oh my... words fail. As if clowns weren't frightening enough. :)

I feel strangely compelled to use this hook as soon as I possibly can.

limpey said...

Where did that picture come from? Turning Kurtz into an evil clown was a stroke of genius, but it wouldn't have worked without that picture.

And I just find myself wondering what the F%$K is the story behind that photo? Was it taken back when they had politically incorrect "exhibits" at Disneyland and would hire a bunch of 'negroes' to act like cannibals and give the white folks a scare? Or was this photo evidence of some misguided missionaries attempt to ingratiate himself to the natives? If so, I hope the natives eventually went all "Heart of Darkness" on his clowny ass.

Trey said...

@limpey - yeah, it was the picture that gave me the idea. Looking through the Bud Plant art catalog, there was a new retrospective coming out on Bozo. They showed this picture of Bozo visiting the Bozo tribe (no relation) in Africa. Inspired, i searched the internet til i found it.

Eric said...

Never get out of the clown car. Absolutely goddamn right. Not unless you were going all the way...

I watched a snail ride a unicycle across the edge of a straight razor...

Your report specifies clown/counterclown with ComSec I-corps.
I am not presently disposed to discuss those gags, sir.
Did you not spray seltzer into the face of a government tax collector in Quang Tri province, Captain?
Sir, I am unaware of any such bit or gag nor would I be disposed to discuss such a prank if it did indeed exist, sir.

Trey said...

The horror...the horror.

ze bulette said...

Hey, my cuz A-Poc!

Trey said...

brothers in unnaturally colored hair, eh bulette?

ancientvaults said...

Did I write an autobiography of my time in the jungle that I am unaware of?

This is awesome and disconcerting.

Trey said...

I changed the names to protect the guilty. ;)