Sunday, May 22, 2011

Spectacular Losers

For every adventurer that achieves fame and fortune there are a dozen who have short careers and die pointless or bizarre (or sometimes both) deaths in cramped spaces underground. The successful ones get celebrated at Munsen’s Museum. The losers have their own shrine on the boardwalk of Lapin Isle: Jago’s Museum of Death in the Depths. Here’s a sampling of the stories to be found there:

“Sweet Tooth” Artie Gaff: Lost his life in a macabre freak accident after a roll of the hard candies he habitually carried became tainted with a droplet from an ooze he and his party had defeated earlier.  The "sugar slime" that grew from the remainder of the candies required the action of the Exterminators to stop it.

Nellie Eastpenny: Supposedly crushed under the boot of a giant. It has been of little solace to her grieving family that scientists have since proven that a giant of that size is an impossible violation of physical law.

Smiling Dave Delgroot: Contracted a peculiar wasting disease from a plague-carrying undead creature. His facial features were the first thing to go.

Janice Doppelkin: Was executed for her crimes. The jury at her trial was unanimous in their verdict of guilt, but divided as to whether her crime was better termed “double murder” or “murder/suicide.” After three days on a delve, Miss Doppel returned to find her man en flagrante with a duplicate of herself, apparently created after she looked into a magic mirror on the first day of the expedition.

Wilbert Vrockmorton: Died more indirectly from delving than most of his fellow unfortunates in the museum. After a successful expedition, Vrockmorton was drinking with his fellows at a City saloon. A challenge from Zanoni (born Theron Astley) lead to his consumption of a bottle of wine brought up from the underground. Upon downing a glass, Vrockmorton disappeared--whether by disentegration or some sort of teleportation no one could say.  Occasionally, a magic item turns up in the hands of various dealers in the City: A glass eye called the Eye of Vrockmorton--said to impart protection against inebriation if carried.

Augie "the Mace" Munce: Decapitated by the bite of a monstrous humanoid, probably a troll--a creature Munce had turned his back on after presuming its defeat.  In certain adventuring quarters, the verb "to munce" is used to refer to snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

9 comments:

christian said...

I love the term "to munce."

That pretty much describes my surfing. Last winter I think I took off on the wave of my life. This thing was a monster. As I made the bottom term, I could see a bunch of guys paddling out. I looked at them and in my head I though, "Watch this, fools, I'm about to put on a clinic."

I did. I put on a clinic of fail and wiped out in a most embarrassing fashion. When I came up, all I could hear was laughter (the other guys) and cries of anguish. (mine)

To munce as it were...

Jim said...

Great post. Lots of adventure possibilities in there. I too like "to munce" :) Great pics too! Thanks!

Elbuagnin said...

Awesome write-up. You got me smiling!

Trey said...

@Christian - Heh! We've all been there, man, in one way or another. Pride goeth before a fall, as they say.

@Jim - Glad you like 'em. Finding good pics for this post was the most difficult part.

@Elbuagnin - Thanks. It's the least I can do after we narrowly avoided the apocalypse yesterday. ;)

Scott said...

"Augie got Munsoned."

Trey said...

He! You know, I'm embarassed to say (ok, maybe not embarassed)--anyway, I had forgotten Kingpin.

Needles said...

Awesome stuff Trey. Very nice adventure hooks & such! Very cool

Ka-Blog! said...

I love both the idea of this museum, and the examples of what can be found there. Can serve as examples of what to avoid when going out adventuring.

Perhaps a random table in the future may help populate it further?

Trey said...

@Needles - Thanks!

@Ka-Blog! - Ah, That's a great idea!